Joke lang

Porsche

A Pinay, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”

The blond Pinay said, “How about pipty dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.

The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?” The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.”

A short time later, the blond Pinay came to the door to collect her money. “You’re finished already?” he asked. “O-o,” the blonde Pinay answered, “and I had paint lept ober, so I gabe it two coats.”

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

“And by the way,” the blond added, “it’s not a Porch, it’s a Perrari.”

Ano ang pagkain?

Mister: Ano ang pagkain natin?
Misis: Nasa mesa, bahala ka na pumili!
Mister: Isang pirasong tuyo? Ano pagpipilian ko?
Misis: Pumili ka kung kakain ka o hindi!

Horoscope

Sweethearts watchin’ the sky …

Guy: Ano ang horoscope mo?
Girl: Anong huruskup?
Guy: Yung bang kapalaran mo, katulad ko, CANCER.
Girl: Ah, sa akin ALMURANAS!

Almusal

Donya: Bilang bagong katulong, tandaan mo na ang almusal dito ay alasais empuntu!
Maid: Walang problema, ma’am. Kung tulog pa ako sa oras na yun, mauna na kayong mag-almusal!

Mayaman – Mahirap

Juan: Pare, noong mayaman pa kami, nagkakamay kaming kumain. Ngayong mahirap na kami, nakakutsara na.
Pedro: Baligtad yata?
Juan: Mahirap kamayin ang lugaw, pare!

Pangarap

Toto: Pangarap ko, kumita ng P250,000 monthly gaya ni daddy.
Juvy: Wow! Ganyan kalaki ang kinikita ng daddy mo?
Toto: Hindi. Yan din ang pangarap niya!

Dalawang mayabang

Tomas: Ang galing ng aso ko! Tuwing umaga, dala niya ang dyaryo sa akin.
Diego: Alam ko.
Tomas: Ha? Paano mo nalaman?
Diego: Ikinukuwento sa akin ng aso ko.

Katapusan na!

Lumindol nang malakas noon …
Nagkagulo ang lahat at nag-panic!
Sumigaw ang isang lalaki: “Katapusan na! Katapusan na!”
Sumagot ang isa pang lalaki: ‘Tanga! A-kinse pa lang!’

Economy class 

Sa isang mumurahing airline …

Stewardess: Sir, would you like some dinner?
Passenger: Ano ba ang mga choices?
Stewardess: Yes or No lang po.

Walang syota

Pare1: Pare, ba’t naman hanggang ngayon wala ka pang syota? Wala ka pa bang napupusuan?
Pare2: Meron.. Manhid ka lang!

Top One

Boy: Nay! Muntik na ako maging top one sa klase!
Nanay: Ba’t mo naman nasabi?
Boy: Ini-announce kasi kanina yung top one sa klase. Ang tinuro ni ma’am yung katabi ko. Muntik na ako.

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